9.29.2005
to my eye
I had Kamera stuck in my head all day.
After the rain, the air smelled beautiful. I could taste the damp earth and charged ions. The wind chilled my arms and gave me shivers. I sensed my own perception. The angle of the sun near dusk looked like...
I had Kamera stuck in my head all day.
I should be writing hearing.
After the rain, the air smelled beautiful. I could taste the damp earth and charged ions. The wind chilled my arms and gave me shivers. I sensed my own perception. The angle of the sun near dusk looked like...
I had Kamera stuck in my head all day.
I should be writing hearing.
9.28.2005
Entia non sunt multipicanda praeter necessitatem.
One other thing I did while up north was see the How Berkeley Can You Be? parade by chance. Usually, I have a very strong desire to flee from parades, but this is the only one I can think of that I was actually entertained by. Nudists, fundamentalists, anti-circumcisionists, Klingons, Storm troopers (via the Death Star), motorized cupcakes, beach-comber samurai, cars transformed into: a giant radio-flyer wagon, an X-wing with R2D2, random hippie crap, a fish scaled with CDs, etc... and a little bit more added up to a level of razor sharp self-mocking that made me laugh out loud.
Unfortunately, John Adams new opera "Dr. Atomic" opens next weekend in SF, not that I would have been able to get tickets anyway.
More unfortune, I am no longer in possession of a digital camera, so text will fill these pages until I can win a bid on a cheap one off of eBay.
Fortunately: YY cooked some really good Japanese curry last night at the party to welcome MW home. A few bottles of wine helped the flavor as well.
Unfortunately, John Adams new opera "Dr. Atomic" opens next weekend in SF, not that I would have been able to get tickets anyway.
More unfortune, I am no longer in possession of a digital camera, so text will fill these pages until I can win a bid on a cheap one off of eBay.
Fortunately: YY cooked some really good Japanese curry last night at the party to welcome MW home. A few bottles of wine helped the flavor as well.
9.26.2005
9.25.2005
I'll give it all back soon
Secret's out, I'm in San Francisco for the weekend. And just for anyone I owe money to, I used my free flight on JetBlue, so I gone dunnit durn cheap dontchyoofretnun.
Spur of the moment, but the time was ripe. Best decision I ever made, for a decent past run at least. Today I crawled up to 24th and Vicksburg and damn if I fell right into a cliche planting myself through hours with a latte only to get up and walk away with my chest feeling empty cause I knew something sat palpitating beneath the now vacant bench. There, the first time in a long time that I was completely by myself, feeling completely at peace, and part of me left.
I will return someday to scoop it back up. For good. Before I'm 40. I never knew just what it was before, when I was here. Was it the good money, the good job, the good people, the good place, the true independence, the true love, the true motivation... the truth is that it was probably a combination of it all, but coming here this last time, on my own and by myself, truly, I realized that the city itself holds my heart, and is my home for no other reason. I have not lived in every city, but quite a few held me for a time. Of all that I've rolled through, the last moss I'll gather will be here.
For now, in Cambridge, I will mold a golem of happiness and will gladly let it carry me forward. There are things I need to do. And there are things I now know I need to work towards.
And also there's this...
...that makes me wonder what if it came down tails?
Spur of the moment, but the time was ripe. Best decision I ever made, for a decent past run at least. Today I crawled up to 24th and Vicksburg and damn if I fell right into a cliche planting myself through hours with a latte only to get up and walk away with my chest feeling empty cause I knew something sat palpitating beneath the now vacant bench. There, the first time in a long time that I was completely by myself, feeling completely at peace, and part of me left.
I will return someday to scoop it back up. For good. Before I'm 40. I never knew just what it was before, when I was here. Was it the good money, the good job, the good people, the good place, the true independence, the true love, the true motivation... the truth is that it was probably a combination of it all, but coming here this last time, on my own and by myself, truly, I realized that the city itself holds my heart, and is my home for no other reason. I have not lived in every city, but quite a few held me for a time. Of all that I've rolled through, the last moss I'll gather will be here.
For now, in Cambridge, I will mold a golem of happiness and will gladly let it carry me forward. There are things I need to do. And there are things I now know I need to work towards.
And also there's this...
I limp back to the phones. I ain't sure Taylor will come along. In fact, if I'm really honest, I guess I feel she won't. She has a lunch date, and her life is all separate, and full of sunny-smelling skin and panty lace. I just have grisly fucken reality, uninvited, with its smell of escalator motors and blood, and whirrs and beeps that suck away your shine. Dreams are so damn perfect, but reality just always tugs the other way. The fact that our two lives will rub together for the time it takes to say hello doesn't automatically mean sparks will fly. The best you can probably expect is that her peachy-lace life gets smeared with booger-slime. It's enough to make you bawl. Specially because now I'm in the wrong frame of mind for it to happen. There's the learning, O Partner: that you're cursed when you realize true things, because then you can't act with the full confidence of dumbness anymore.
In the end I just piss myself off. I pack up my goddam philosophical activity set, and pull a quarter from my pocket. I toss it. It comes down heads, which means call her in Houston immediately. I pick up the phone, and punch in her number.
...that makes me wonder what if it came down tails?
9.23.2005
Hustle and Frisco
dSF invited me over last night to meet vSF and play pool. See, the thing is, he bought a pool table for his apartment. How cool is that. It's just him and his wife in this decently huge apartment for two people, and a dining room table that doubles for 8-ball most of the time. Lots of fun, JG came over too and one of the SF's friends from out of town. Panini, homemade blueberry cake and some Magic Hat #9... you know, what every hustler eats, so go figure why I was the one who got hustled. Then again, I don't own my own table.
dSF also showed me that Google has dominion over the Earth. It was only a matter of time, but it's pretty amazing.
I am getting some things set up in my office here so that I can write when the work day is done. It's really nice and quiet in here at the end of the day... a good writing atmosphere. Kind of reminds me of when I wrote in the office at 3am in SF (this time meaning San Francisco). Maybe every composer has their niche... maybe it's hard for them to thrive outside of their natural environment. That's not to say that the taupery of the modern office feels at all like my natural environment, but if it helps me write then I'll stick to it. Or maybe it was SF.
Looking forward to the weekend.
dSF also showed me that Google has dominion over the Earth. It was only a matter of time, but it's pretty amazing.
I am getting some things set up in my office here so that I can write when the work day is done. It's really nice and quiet in here at the end of the day... a good writing atmosphere. Kind of reminds me of when I wrote in the office at 3am in SF (this time meaning San Francisco). Maybe every composer has their niche... maybe it's hard for them to thrive outside of their natural environment. That's not to say that the taupery of the modern office feels at all like my natural environment, but if it helps me write then I'll stick to it. Or maybe it was SF.
Looking forward to the weekend.
9.19.2005
You breathe, I row boat
Don't get me wrong, I think that this is a great thing, but by 2018 I'm guessing that artificial intelligence and robotics will have leapt a leap or a bound and we won't really need to send humans up. It's debatable whether we even do now. I know it's not about need, but I think the Glory aspect shouldn't overshadow the Science and Progress aspects, and if we can do with intelligent machinery what can be done with humans for less cost and less risk, then why not just wait 'til it's time to plant a flag on Mars to send up some fleshy folk.
And then let the robots do the rest.
You be selfish with your ego, I'll be selfish with the sustainability and progress of mankind... thinking kind... of womb or factory. It is a somewhat frightening prospect, but I argue inevitable. There is a mortality to man, and it's always been that the only thing that survives beyond a single life is the artist's creation. Pyramids, statues, paintings, philosophies, bridges, symphonies... and our metal children. It is worth a struggle, as is the fight against death through knowledge and medicine, but the trudging on of technology is no more avoidable than the survival of the fittest. If the prospect of machines which can surpass the abilities of man is accepted, and I don't think it can be reasonably disputed if you stretch the timetable out long enough (assuming the Earth stays reasonably functional), then it is possible to find a way to cherish the idea itself despite the frightening qualities of it, in a similar way to an honest acceptance of death and all its implications.
I think somewhere within that lies a merging of the possibilities. Maybe by 2098 the difference will be so blurred between humans, biological and medical enhancements, computers, cyborgs, and robots that we won't really know what part of us is the actual "I" anymore.
But still, I would like to follow her shapely round caboose up the ladder and scrape out some moon milk for us to share amidst the twillight, mused old Qwfwq.
And then let the robots do the rest.
You be selfish with your ego, I'll be selfish with the sustainability and progress of mankind... thinking kind... of womb or factory. It is a somewhat frightening prospect, but I argue inevitable. There is a mortality to man, and it's always been that the only thing that survives beyond a single life is the artist's creation. Pyramids, statues, paintings, philosophies, bridges, symphonies... and our metal children. It is worth a struggle, as is the fight against death through knowledge and medicine, but the trudging on of technology is no more avoidable than the survival of the fittest. If the prospect of machines which can surpass the abilities of man is accepted, and I don't think it can be reasonably disputed if you stretch the timetable out long enough (assuming the Earth stays reasonably functional), then it is possible to find a way to cherish the idea itself despite the frightening qualities of it, in a similar way to an honest acceptance of death and all its implications.
I think somewhere within that lies a merging of the possibilities. Maybe by 2098 the difference will be so blurred between humans, biological and medical enhancements, computers, cyborgs, and robots that we won't really know what part of us is the actual "I" anymore.
But still, I would like to follow her shapely round caboose up the ladder and scrape out some moon milk for us to share amidst the twillight, mused old Qwfwq.
9.15.2005
Unfortunately Ungay
So, there's the fact that they no longer have enough constraints, they're just older and have duller wits, and become more distant from what's cool and biting, becoming stamped-out rehashers of past glories... yeah, but here's the other thing: successful rocker/songwriters get bad because they lose their self. Entourages, labels, wives, kids, bodyguards, new band members, inability to walk through a park without being noticed or generally having the feeling of being watched... all this together adds up to very little time to muse in the deep dwelling of your own thoughts alone. No time to let the music get good to better to great.
Just theorizing, but then there's always something about deadened taste from smoking too much leading to the blind swordsman effect (unpublished but plagiarized hypothesis), which seems partially contrary to the above.
Or the ubiquity of mormon trampolines. And ball beating blocks beneath Alaskan alladays.
Conversation scraps from the ear feeding mouths at Redbones, Cristina's, Ryles, Wally's, Boca Grande seasoned with a dash of Maker's or two or twelve. Nine hour work days make for brighter seeming nights. Unlike my unshined shoes.
as I muse in the deep dwelling
Just theorizing, but then there's always something about deadened taste from smoking too much leading to the blind swordsman effect (unpublished but plagiarized hypothesis), which seems partially contrary to the above.
Or the ubiquity of mormon trampolines. And ball beating blocks beneath Alaskan alladays.
Conversation scraps from the ear feeding mouths at Redbones, Cristina's, Ryles, Wally's, Boca Grande seasoned with a dash of Maker's or two or twelve. Nine hour work days make for brighter seeming nights. Unlike my unshined shoes.
as I muse in the deep dwelling
9.11.2005
Sick meaning awesome (if words have meaning)
Trying to enjoy my lst few days of freedom before starting my new job. Yesterday was enjoyed well. Went hiking in the blue hills with a friend. Minimal hiking, lots of sitting and talking, just my kind of thing. Then went back and watched some movies and cooked bulgogi before heading to a party at rr's for more brain sparking conversations. Just the kind of thing I wanted and needed. Today to rest up and get ready to pounce.
Writing: minimal. Plotted out a good portion of my thesis, wrote part of a tiny piano piece, nothing on trio (but looking forward to finishing it). After this week, will make up an exact schedule to figure out where I can fit writing in while working 40 hours a week. Feels good to be able to play piano again though. Broke out the Brahms Intermezzo that I haven't played in about 5 years because it seemed appropriate.
Writing: minimal. Plotted out a good portion of my thesis, wrote part of a tiny piano piece, nothing on trio (but looking forward to finishing it). After this week, will make up an exact schedule to figure out where I can fit writing in while working 40 hours a week. Feels good to be able to play piano again though. Broke out the Brahms Intermezzo that I haven't played in about 5 years because it seemed appropriate.
9.08.2005
mesmerized
tired... but... agassi vs blake... drool
9.06.2005
sadness evolving into outrage
an editorial about new orleans, history and heartache
climate change is a bitch
death to americans, long live america!
climate change is a bitch
death to americans, long live america!
9.05.2005
flanked
having a great labor day weekend. missed out on camping, but saw the constant gardener, went rollerblading with rr, had a spontaneous housewarming party, and am generally getting all settled in to my new apartment.
also, bought CDs for the first time in a long time. got the new NIN album (good, but he's losing his edge) and also Wilco's yankee hotel foxtrot. wrapped between i am trying to break your heart and reservations is one of the best albums ive heard in a long time. wished i'd discovered them sooner, but sometimes you've just gotta wait.
also, found out wolf parade is playing on oct 20th, meaning my birthday is going to be wrapped between two great shows. looking forward to that very much, but I've just gotta wait.
off to enjoy the rest of this bright and beautiful day.
also, bought CDs for the first time in a long time. got the new NIN album (good, but he's losing his edge) and also Wilco's yankee hotel foxtrot. wrapped between i am trying to break your heart and reservations is one of the best albums ive heard in a long time. wished i'd discovered them sooner, but sometimes you've just gotta wait.
also, found out wolf parade is playing on oct 20th, meaning my birthday is going to be wrapped between two great shows. looking forward to that very much, but I've just gotta wait.
off to enjoy the rest of this bright and beautiful day.
9.04.2005
9.02.2005
Well not dry
Just in case I have 32 hours of free time...
Moving The Constant Gardener up my queue after finding out it was directed by the same guy who made City of God. Plus, good research for my occasional Fiennes doppleganging.
Moving The Constant Gardener up my queue after finding out it was directed by the same guy who made City of God. Plus, good research for my occasional Fiennes doppleganging.
9.01.2005
halfknot
halfknot. September One.
The point of this blog is simply accountability.
Elaboration: to document my compositional life, that is, the aspects of my life in which I compose things. Accountable to: anyone reading this.
scratch out a living, drink and be merry, write music. no writing, then there is a record. no progress, a record. no record, a record.
and to rejoice.
surreptitiously, any other creations, including whimsical thoughts, self-journalisms, pretty things, and others musical outbursts.
halfknot, an incomplete tying together, or untaut thoughts.
as seen below
The point of this blog is simply accountability.
Elaboration: to document my compositional life, that is, the aspects of my life in which I compose things. Accountable to: anyone reading this.
scratch out a living, drink and be merry, write music. no writing, then there is a record. no progress, a record. no record, a record.
and to rejoice.
surreptitiously, any other creations, including whimsical thoughts, self-journalisms, pretty things, and others musical outbursts.
halfknot, an incomplete tying together, or untaut thoughts.
as seen below
