halfknot

My biggest strength and weakness is thinking about things a lot. Last night, at South Street Diner with Nish on a short break from JJ's birthday bash, I was once again being treated to a pep talk inspired to get me out of over thinking things. I don't try to get these pep talks, nor really enjoy them, but me being me, they just sort of happen every now and then. It was interesting, but I didn't totally buy it all, well, after I thought about it a little bit. List 50 good things about yourself, and 50 bad things, then think why the bad might be good, and why the good might be bad, and come to a realization that it all just is, and you should just be. What bothered me is that it seems to leave out the desire to change. I didn't really have much time to think on it though, as a spontaneous game of Improvised Stoop Conducting and Extreme Street Charades was about to take place, which is a great way to realize that sometimes utter foolishness is the best route to happiness.

Today, hanging out with Nish again, we had another good conversation right before he dropped me off at my apartment. About music, and writing, and not, and greatness. I forget exactly what led him to say the following, and I shrugged it off as being obvious, but he said, "But that don't matter though... you just do what's right." Duh. But it kind of swirled around a bit inside, and I realized that that's really when the over thinking becomes a detriment. Sometimes, everything is very simple, and sure there might be complications, but if you just look at things plainly, what's right is very obvious, and that's what you should do. Maybe you'll yaw a little port or starboard, but your course is clear. And I felt really good, and I felt like I honestly didn't care about anything other than doing what's right, and I still feel that way.

Duh.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -AE

The simple matter is that I really am pissed off with music right now, at least many aspects of the type I've been involved in. Something needs to change. Right now I'm happy working at my new job, but I know in the long run IT'S NOT RIGHT for me not to write. I just need to cut back down to the simple and plain reason that's been there all along and get rid of the knives that rip through my chest every time I approach a piece of manuscript paper. Well, I can't get rid of them, because, the knives ain't knives. Just gotta keep strong, working on getting all Neo'ed out realizing the knives are spoons and there is no spoon.

Happy birthday JJ and Chippy.